The Sight I Like

Like a low hanging ceiling,
softly lit and threatening collapse,
the winter clouds were both peaceful
and ominous.

Mirroring fog that reflects
electric light, easing the grip of
the murk and dark of early night
that surrounds us.

Edgeless shards, flaking from the whole,
tumbling down and scattering in
the false warmth of iron candles
that never melt.

I like to walk in this new world,
a fresh white slate, never blank for long
when I turn around and see me
as I once was.

I wrote the first stanza of this last October, but I wasn't able to finish or even add on to it since then. Then one day in Creative Writing, I rearranged what I had into smaller lines and the ideas popped into my head.

After some tweaking, chopping and reworking of the stanzas (along with a deadline) I have what I believe to be the final product up there.

It has a lot of imagery and an overall sense of tranquility that usually comes with winter nights, so I think it's effective at evoking the feeling of quiet frosty night. I may not like winter and snow as much as I used to, but I can still appreciate falling snow. As long as it's gone soon.

Everybody, Into the Pool

There are different methods of entry
Diving, falling in, friends having fun
At your expense, a stranger may push
Right into the deep end you go
Under the surface, now as a veil
Separates you from the world above

There’s a gentler way in
The kind that doesn’t arrest
Your breathing, gaining momentum
As you step inch by inch
Into that one of a kind
Miraculous matter, necessary for life

Up to your waist, every lap at your belly
Freezing, adaption, freezing, adaption
Your breast, swelling less
Adaption, adaption, your throat relaxing
You are very nearly swallowed now
It feels nice, so you stand up
To feel a final breath of the world
Once more
Before the mortal plunge


This, is a poem about dying. I had to come up with a metaphor for dying, but for the life of me I couldn't think of one. I stayed up pretty late trying to hammer something out, but it just wasn't coming to me. Then the pool metaphor just popped in my head, and the similarities started to come together as well.

My favorite lines of the poem would have to be the following, because it sums up both water and death perfectly:

Into that one of a kind
Miraculous matter, necessary for life

Scientifically speaking, water is a miraculous matter as there really isn't another substance like it in the universe, and it's necessary for life. In the same way, death is miraculous as well and there's nothing quite like it in the universe either. It's also necessary for life.

This is essentially the final version for now. I've made a few edits since the first draft, just to make it a bit more obvious that it's about death. There's still a bit of ambiguity in there, but once the reader has finished reading, it should be clear what it's about. It has quickly become one of my favorite poems of mine.

I'd love to know what do you think about it.